My previous post, “When It Comes To Settling, Where Do You Stand”, garnered some great comments and conversation starters. One comment that I received was that “we often see the flaws in others without acknowledging our issues” and suggested a “companion post” to my previous post about “becoming the right person” instead of, or while in search of, the “right” person.
Author and speaker Wayne Dyer says “The law of attraction is this: you don’t attract what you want, you attract what you are.” Do you agree?
If you were honest with yourself, would you agree that often times what we recognize as flaws in others are actually pieces of ourselves? I can say with full confidence that I am not married with children largely because I acknowledge that I am not ready to be. However, when people ask me why I am single, I’ve robotically replied that I haven’t met the “right” person. Its just far easier to blame fate and the other person, and thats an answer that usually won’t have many follow up questions. But truthfully, being one hundred percent honest, I’m not ready. Real relationships, marriages, partnerships, they all require a lot of work. Work that I don’t really want to invest at this point. Years later, I’m still recovering from the one and only relationship I really invested real time and feelings into. Part of that recovery involves unlearning what I thought I knew about love and relationships. Learning how to be open again. Learning how to forgive. Could you imagine if I met the man of my dreams before I was ready to receive him?!?! Disaster! He would run the opposite direction. Maybe. Or maybe he would step up and be patient with me and my growth pace. However, I know that we would have a lot of work to do before we would get to that “magical moment” of “right”.
It makes total sense that the majority of guys that I’ve dated have all been players. I’ve usually kept a roster of bench players waiting to get in the game. All of the guys that I have chosen, have been equally unready for real relationships. Typically for different reasons, but the end results have always been the same. In that regard, yes, we attract what we are. It may manifest itself differently, look slightly different, but the end result and synopsis is the same. Not ready.
When I am ready to receive a life partner, I assume that I will be more willing to put in the work required to be in a relationship. Part of that work is overlooking flaws or working to help my partner to improve and strengthen his weaknesses. There is power in partnership. We just have to see the value in the partnership. It cannot be one sided. We must both be equally prepared to roll up our sleeves and do the work on ourselves and with each other.
I recognize that I have a few areas to work on improving and I am actively working on them. Similarly, I hope that my future husband is somewhere working on himself. And when we meet, we will be attracted to our perfect imperfections instead of repelled by them.